Sunday, September 20, 2020

Comment Wall



  1. Hi Tatum,

    My initial thoughts on your portfolio homepage were that it was very plain, which is great if that's what you like! But I think it would be pretty cool if you added some more pictures or cool gadgets on the homepage too! Also the picture on your story page is weirdly placed at the bottom so maybe consider bringing it up and centering it so the readers can see it as they read.

    "The Not so Scary Cyclops" was a fantastic story! I like how you put the author's note at the top. I haven't seen that before but I like that you get an idea of what it is based on before you read! I am big fan of dialogue, so I really enjoyed that in your story. Overall it was very well-written and I am looking forward to reading more of your wonderful portfolio!

    -Libby Helm

  2. Hey Tatum!! I love the photo you chose for your homepage, and I appreciate the minimalism. You could always add more if you wanted, but I am a huge fan of simple designs and layouts :)

    For your story, I really enjoyed reading your retelling! You start out strong with a great author's note. It is informative and really sets the scene for the story to come. I agree with Libby that your use of dialogue is fantastic. It is easier to leave it out, so I appreciate that you were intentional in your use of it. In addition to your great use of dialogue, your descriptions are vivid and bold. Your word choice is fantastic, and I really only would suggest rereading it for a few editing errors (like one time you say "Replied Odysseus," and the replied should have a lowercase 'r'). But great job and I can't wait to read more of your works!

  3. Hi Tatum, I really enjoyed your version of this story from The Odyssey! It was definitely light-hearted and happier like you described it. I love that the cyclops was friendly right off the bat and welcomed Odysseus and his men into the cave, with no ill intentions. I also liked your use of dialogue because it helped to describe the setting and you did a great job! I think it would be cool to learn a little more about Zacheus himself. Who is Zacheus, besides being a cyclops? A picture of him would also add to your story! I thought the ending kind of ended abruptly when the cyclops is told about the tale of female cyclops on a stranded island. I liked that there was a happy ending for Odysseus and his crew because they did not get eaten, but maybe there could be one for the cyclops, too. Will he go to try to find this island? Maybe Odysseus will help the cyclops determine a plan or they tell the cyclops more about this island before they celebrate. Good work!

  4. Hi, Tatum!

    Putting the author's note at the top of the story was something I quite liked. It provided a simple introduction to what I was about to read. However, I wonder if separating the note into two sections, a top and a bottom, might be better. A brief introductory note at the top and a "what I changed" note at the bottom. This way, you aren't spoiling anything about your own story.

    On to the story. I read "Cyclops". I think the lighthearted twist on The Odyssey is a good idea. I'd almost like to see a whole rewrite where the monsters and villains are allies and sidekicks. You're dialogue was great. It felt natural. You delivered story through dialogue without being too reliant on it for exposition.

    I wonder if you went too lighthearted, however. The crux of storytelling is conflict. If you don't have conflict, you don't have a story. The story was nice, but it didn't grab my attention or make me want to know the characters more because they didn't face any trouble. It's cool to make the traditional bad guy a good guy, but the good guys still need to have some kind of problem. Maybe they can struggle with herding the sheep in a rewrite? Or, could the cyclops still lose his eye from an accident?

  5. Hey Tatum!
    I've finally found someone else doing a portfolio! Personally I think it is a much simpler option. I really enjoy your portfolio, it is simple and to the point. Your take on the Odyssey is much lighter than the original with the cyclops letting the people walk away unharmed, and I like it, I am a fan of happy endings. I really liked the author's note being at the beginning of the story, it tells the reader what is happening and prepares the mind for the story ahead, I think I will start doing this for mine! I look forward to reading some more of you work in the coming weeks!


  6. Hi Tatumn,
    I think your homepage could use some color or more images, there is a lot of open space to do more. This does make it simple and to the point but I think it would be more welcoming if it was brighter. I enjoyed how you included the authors notes before the stories. This allows readers to get a sense of what you are going for. I look forward to reading more of your stories throughout the next couple of weeks/

  7. Hi Tatum, one of me favorite units so far has been the Arabian nights one and I even chose to use it in one of my storytelling blogs so I loved your retelling of Sinbad! I think you did a great job of adding in elements to the original story to expand upon and give more insight into the characters. I think it was quite clever to add the dolphins based off of one of your favorite songs! I wonder if Sinbad was accepted by the King Mihrage once the dolphins left him at the island? This may have been done to leave the reader pondering the outcome, but if you are in a place of revision and want to expand upon your story that may be a way in which to do so. There are lots of differnet outcomes that I immediately thought of after reading. Overall, I think you did a great job and are going to have a great portfolio with many awesome stories!


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